its the end of the party...

elizabeth (emma) bennett

ginger rogers

guinevere

marie antoinette and some guy dressed up like a russian

hurley day 4, with hurley day 815

i am lost until february

back in seattle - probably where i belong after all

yall. i had a set back in my quest for my southern identity... and i may need to do more than read "all the king's men" to counter this.

it all started on the monday night i first got to baton rouge, but at the time, i didn't see it just yet. the hadnots had me and my dad over for supper. they served a tasty meal: chicken and dumplings, black-eyed peas, green beans with pork fat... it was real good. well, i was dipping outa second helping of dumplings in my bowl when our host cautioned me, "make sure you save some room for some dessert! we got mincemeat pie in the kitchen!"

(ok. taking a break from the narrative, let me list the problems with this scenario: #1- as yall probably know, i don't eat dessert. #2- my dad doesn't eat dessert. #3- it aint good southern form for a guest to turn down dessert- especially both of the guests. #4- do you know what mincemeat pie tastes like? i like eating everything. but this aint anyhow part of the everything that i like to eat. my mom used to make it when i was little, and i hated it then too. in fact... when our host said the words, "mincemeat," that taste came back to me - and it was weird, cause i'd forgotten that mincemeat pie existed- for serious)

check out the picture... now check out this recipe- http://www.cdkitchen.com/recipes/recs/38/MincemeatPieII63207.shtml

i am not even sure what it is up in there that makes it taste so bizarre. i need to lay out all the ingredients side by side in a row and taste em all separately. they put so much gunk up in the dang pie you'd need to do a chemical analysis probably. and its so sugary and syrupy sweet combined with this earthy biting taste to it, like a pecan pie run amok - right off the road and into the ditch. for the life of me i can't describe this thing... but it's only with keeping on eating it that it really gets to you - real water-torture-like.

well, i had to bite the bullet. i sacrificed my sugar ban for the common good (for my dad and for our southern heritage, or mine at least. my dad's people are from the quaker oat (and corn) fields of the midwest); but here's the kicker, this sacrifice of my 8-year-old sugar ban wasn't even for something i like! (why couldn't it've been cheesecake?)

and i was served a full quarter of that pie tin. i swear. it was bigger than the moon. after i reached my saturation level, i finally resorted to eating only the crust, (i like pie crust), and i left a small pile of the gooey interior in a corner of my plate. left me down-right demoralized. that's what it did to me.
well... if that had been all... but this story continues, see, and pieces fit together that makes a picture of something about myself i wasn't wanting to see.

well... baton rouge is different than seattle- and you can be up in the ihop eating, and a nice old lady two tables behind you- off to the right-hand side, eating some pancakes with strawberries and a dog poo clump of whip cream, can join your conversating with nobody saying or thinking nothing out of the ordinary. and so it was. me and my sister were in the ihop, and we were discussing the sad case of wilbert rideau, who life magazine once called the most reformed man in prison. its a case of a 19 yr-old black man killing a white woman in 1961 and getting sent to death row by an all-white jury, although the murder was not premeditated. (see his website here - and the story of his eventual release. wikipedia also has an interesting summary.)

http://wilbert-rideau-news.newslib.com/story/3337-1281313/ http://www.wilbertrideau.com/

well, my dear sister was in a moment of corn-fusion and could not remember wilbert's name- so our table neighbor interjected, "his name is rideau!" my sister didn't seem at all surprised by the intrusion into our personal conversation; (we coulda been talking about something private!) she just answered, "yeah! that's his name," and the conversation continued... and this kinda thing happens everywhere - especially the grocery line at the wal-mart. people just talk to each other and say hello and comment on the weather, the upcoming election, your purchases, how the lsu football team knocked the socks off fresno state, and how nice your fake diamond fluer-di-lis ring looks on your pinky finger. if you tried all that in seattle you might get hit upside the head with a can of postum.

well our table neighbor was no different, and we chatted for a while, and eventually the topic came round to the mincemeat pie from monday night previous. she confirmed that mincemeat was indeed a southern dish and used to be made with real meat - and how good it tasted poured over hot italian meatballs. well, after talking on the subject for a while and feeling real friendly with her (i never knew my grandmothers) i decided to confide in her that i hated the stuff. she responded with a disconcerting stare - kinda poker-faced, as if she was thinking something she didn't wanna say.

but finally she did speak, deciding on a semi-neutral comment, "you just used to all that bland food you eat out there." (i'd told her i live in seattle now).

well, this shoulda been clear enough warning for me to change the topic, but instead it got me a little on the defensive side of things, and i explained that i liked spicy foods, asian food, thai food, lao food, crawfish, tony chachere's, jalepenos in a jar, tabasco; i mean, its all part of who i am - you are what you eat kinda thing- but she continued to give me a rather blank stare.

so i took it a step further. and this is true for so many of us,--so don't you, mr. and ms. blog reader, sit back in your chair (all 3 of you that will actually read this far in this entry) and think that its just me that don't know when or how to shut up, cause sometimes - when you're trying to defend yourself, and i mean all of us, you say just the wrong thing and it gets you deeper and deeper in that swamp of a mess you already got yourself into by opening your big trap in the begin with and that's what happened to my sorry self right there in the ihop on college drive in baton rouge louisiana usa.

so here's what i said: "well, i don't like bland food, i just don't like sweet things. mincemeat - it's just too rich for me." (and if i'd just left it there... why did i have to say more??)

"like pralines..." i continued, (and you gotta say it with the right pronunciation if you're from the south; it's not 'praw-lines' but 'pray-lines')

" ... i don't like pralines. they're just too sweet!" i said.

well, her face just dropped and i could see the pancake still in her mouth- and immediately i recoiled into my stupidity - but i had nothing left to say to get me back on firm southern dirt. and i can't express to you the magnitude of my comment. (but i'll try) i mean, pralines are a louisianian's birthright. it's their heart and soul, their joie de vivre, their memories of hearth and home, the good days and the bad, its their hand-carved pirogue under the moon and the stars, their bon ami and their chere - their mother and father...it's their blood.

after a second of pause she finally replied,

"i'm mortified."

and still i had nothing i could say. as we strolled out the ihop, i said goodbye, wished her a good day, thinking the whole time that i knew what she thought of me, and left with a sinking realization that i've been away too long. the whole thing brings my credibility as a southerner into question. yep. i'm bout as southern as a crawdad. i still say yall, and i like red beans and rice. i say pin like pen, and i caught aint cot. so what does that make me? i mean, i will always call baton rouge my home, but will baton rouge always claim me as hers?

yall gotta check out the pralines on this page. make some and send them to the fourth row, second table by the end at the ihop in baton rouge on college drive- cause my little old table neighbor is sittin there waiting for em; her mouth's still hanging open in shock.

http://www.deepfriedkudzu.com/2005/10/making-pralines.html

last day in baton rouge

kone brought this massive red drum for us to eat. he caught it off the coast of florida proving that he is a very capable fisherman. (the fish fought old-man-and-the-sea-style). this is right before the big fish lost its head, so kone's smile looks somewhat maniacal, don't you think? he also brought a cooler full of other fish (that he, his wife, and kids all caught). we were generous in sharing the joy of freshly dead fish with friends.

and this here is kone's cooking, deep fried fish (seasoned to perfection) and stir fried veggies...
...proving that despite appearances, kone is also very capable at making some good food. as i always say, "just do it."

and i am proving that i am very capable at eating some good food.

american airlines

lv new orleans 300pm - flt 2350
ar dalla ft worth 435pm

lv dallas ft worth 525pm - flt 1925
ar seattle tacoma 730pm

calling baton rouge

kone (pronounced gone) came to visit (he lives in florida now) and we went touring around baton rouge: (captions are below the photos)

xiengkone vongkoth

the state capitol- built by huey p. long; the tallest state capitol in the nation. huey p. long was gunned down in the back hallway, and he died 2 days later. the bullet holes are still there in the marble walls. huey long was then buried on the capitol's front lawn.

mississippi river bridge. that little dark mark is huck finn swimming. huey p. long built this bridge. he was a great man. everyone (except dr. weiss who shot him) loved him dearly. as he said, "every man a king" and "a chicken in every pot."

the uss kidd parked on the mississippi river. my brother used to work here a long time ago. for more info see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/USS_Kidd_(DD-661)

kone is panhandling here... relaxed style.

the levee - (they gotta put baton rouge on there in case people get confused and think they're already at st. louis)

an oak tree... this is right next to the old state capitol...

we took a quick trip down to new orleans. it is still kinda a mess down there, but that's okay, cause kone came on this little trip prepared.

the dome of the old state capitol - huey p. long didn't like this building - he said it had rats in it.

me by a window in the old state legislature room. kinda dark... shoulda used a flash...

louisiana is known for a lot of things - its food, its music, its hospitality, mardi gras, and also its politics. huey p. long is a big piece of that puzzle. for more on this fascinating man of the people, see the review of his life at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Huey_P._Long notice the last words he uttered.

rain

i used to really like the rain. and now i remember why:


louisiana rains comes down hard and fast (these pictures it aint so bad; sometimes you wouldn't be able to see cross the street- and cars on the freeway hafta pull over to the shoulder so they won't crash and die.) and the rain here has sound too (thunder and lightening - and sometimes it knocks the power out so you get to light the kerosene lanterns and walk around in the dark thinking maybe there's ghosts in the closets) and wind blowing (woosh! woosh!) and the clouds are all these colors of gray (not just that same ol' dirty bath water gray you get in seattle). yeah, seattle doesn't rain. or whatever it does do aint nothing like rain... it's more like a water torture or something.

i'm fixin to go to sleep. i can sleep good when it rains out.

in the mouth of 2 or 3

i don't know - maybe nobody but 3 people are reading my blog at this point, but for you 3, i want to give some supporting testimony to my feelings about kite runner (in the mouth of 2 or 3 kinda thing). i swear, i only found these entries after my initial blog entry, but the similarities b/t my comments and theirs are striking...

read this from julie, stay-at-home mom:
http://thebookworm.blogspot.com/2005/07/kite-runner-and-that-other-book-too.html
but what's up with the comment secti0n? how did it become about harry potter? weird people out there...

and then from "oh the joys" (and please excuse her use of the less polished pieces of english cutlery to slice through a topic; also, a warning... she doesn't like another fan favorite- a ny times bestseller that i won't mention here... just read her review. hear her out. i've never read the book, so i can't say anything about it.) and notice her love of wallace - and she is from the south. i am from the south. i bet we'd be friends.

http://othejoys.blogspot.com/2006/08/where-i-inspire-love-of-spicy-reading.html

but as far as kite runner goes, i promise not to bring up the sad poor book again (even though the author made millions off the thing, i still feel inclined to call it poor...)

on to the next book (this one i am currently reading - i'm on page 106):

greg prince's "david o. mckay" book is the most fascinating piece of writing i've encounterd all year. bushman is interesting, but this is also of superb quality, and a much easier read; with unusually high suspense and intrigue! amazing insights into pres. mckay and his administration... get the book now and begin reading! it's non-stop thrills & excitement!

besides greg is coming to town for a visit. contact cindy for more info on this. she knows everything.

my other books: the backslider by levi peterson. this is a most refreshingly disturbing novel, recommended to me - and borrowed (a sorry year and a half ago) from jenni nelson. she has urged me to read it, and i finally did. it's as good as french toast on a sunday afternoon.

also, "the heartless stone: a journey through the world of diamonds, deceit and desire." a good read - although i shouldn't read this cause i am already anti-diamond; it's like strauss said, you should never encourage the brass section or you won't be able to hear your cell phone, or whatever that quotation is... i never know exactly when it comes to quotations... i get confused... spring back, fall forward kinda thing.

also, i am listening to peace like a river by leif enger on cd. i am on disc 4. anybody read this?

and i got me some plans to get robert penn warren's all the kings men. (sarah, if this is your new choice for book club, i am sorry... you can still pick it) well, i have been meaning to read it for some time. deep down i am louisiana, and i need to reclaim my soul. this book will assist in bringing me one step closer to my dream of becoming one with the dirt, clay, and mud of the state where i was(n't) born... the snowy cotton, sweet magnolias, and creole melodies.... mossy old oaks... my evangeline....

for more info on this important piece of prime real estate (state), and the words (referenced above) of our beloved state song, see:

http://www.sos.louisiana.gov/around/facts/facts-index.htm

yall should come check us out down here. unlike the rest the country, i just ate red beans and rice, boudin balls, hush puppies, and jalapenios stuffed with crab meat for supper. yall aint never seen that before.

never.

genetics

i told you it's in my dna--

rye cracker on a pat of butter:

this is casper. my new best friend. he used to hate me, now he follows me everywhere:

i did not like "the kite runner"

i did not like "the kite runner." i like that theme for a novel, but due to the sophomoric writing (think work and the glory, namesake) and the heavy-handed sensationalism, i can't encourage anyone to jump on the proverbial bus and be taken for a ride. (and hassan? the afghan haley mills; he's so unbelievably good, i am led to ask ridiculous questions- like: is the author christian?)

many found the book to be disturbing. i found it to be gross; not because i felt bad for the characters and the pain they suffered - because to me, the characters never seemed real. but instead, i was surprised by how far (and gross) this author would go to compensate for his poor writing. this is a problem with some modern writers. it's all been said and done, we are rarely shocked anymore by anything - so modern fiction's gotta push it to the edge and be down-right vile and disgusting to get our attention. so the kite runner goes for the easy punch and of course, moves some to tears-

http://badgerjake.blogspot.com/2006/07/good-read.html

while people like me roll our eyes and look back to writers from yesteryear, writers not so inclined to set up the dominos in such an obvious and overstated fashion. and i won't even comment on the "cultural awareness" the book offers our geographically illiterate america (how many of us can say "that is a poorly written book" in 2 languages?) but i think i would get more culture from a postcard.

but i am not one to identify a problem without offering solutions. so here are three suggested titles - similarly themed, but well-written and not "over the top" and "into the frying pan."


a separate peace by john knowles; short, easy read. you'll see the similarities immediately, but this book portrays real characters and creates real tension. i read this book years ago - but it has stayed with me. it has a sequel of sorts, but i never read it. i think i tried once, but some books don't need a sequel. (can you imagine a sequel to "a prayer for owen meany?")

atonement, by ian mcewan, winner of the booker prize; interesting thing about this author - he was a victim of our war on terror. he was supposed to speak in seattle and was detained at the border- missed his appointment completely. this led him to quip, "homeland security is making america safe from british novelists." anyway - one of my favorite books of all time.
see the story in:
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/books/167186_mcewan01.html

anne tyler's "saint maybe." my favorite author. this woman can write a story. (and she has never resulted to sensationalism either. her stories could really happen.) but check this book out. it is one of her most moving - and the characters are instantly likeable. i have read all of her novels except her latest and "searching for caleb." i don't know why i've never read that book. it sits on my shelf, waiting... and waiting... and waiting...

feel free to comment. i can take it.

home

my street

spanish moss

home

cocoon

dad

by request: celebrity gossip (aka - my attempt to drive all of you away from my blog forever)

Clash's "Bank" sings up a storm:

(KPL) More than 500 Lao teenagers and adults were last night thrilled by Thai rock band Clash at the Lao-Thailand Friendship Concert, at the Lao International Trade Exhibition and Convention Centre (ITECC).Although several bands performed during the event, only one performer made Lao teenagers and adults alike swoon- Clash lead singer Bank, the Thai musician who works for the Grammy Company in Thailand. The concert was held in collaboration with the Vientiane Information and Culture Service and the Happy Entertainment Company as a way of strengthening the solidarity, love and friendship between the two nations. In addition, it also promoted popular Lao and Thai culture together, to display the skills of Thai performers and share ideas and experiences with local performers. This concert was also held to mark the upcoming Lao Uprising Day, the anniversary of which falls on 23 August next week. The Happy Entertainment Company was also proud to launch its new company for Vientiane residents, as announced by owner Mr Xayana-norasy Saynasisane, who said his company would focus efforts on open up the Lao entertainment market for outside visitors, in order to promote Lao music.While the concert and the Happy launched were both successful, there was however concern surrounding the number of young concert-goers who failed to follow the safety measures. This was due in part to the reduced numbers of police on duty this year, which caused a lowering of safety standards.At least one audience member expressed concern that such events should be properly policed.

bloggers comments: come over on saturday if you wanna sing karaoke to clash. (if you've come over for karaoke before, you've already sang to clash... you just didn't know it.) and who wrote this article anyway? i got lost somewhere in the middle when it started talking about "the happy."

more celebrity gossip to be forthcoming!

a book recommendation (with a warning):

get out your credit cards and log onto amazon. the must read of the new century has arrived, especially if you like padek; the book is entitled, Ant Egg Soup: The Adventures of a Food Tourist in Laos, by Natacha Du Pont de Bie. here is the link to it on amazon.com. you must buy it. it looks good in a home library, even if you never read it.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0340825685/ref=ed_oe_p/103-4153514-3497408?%5Fencoding=UTF8

i got this book for my trip to Laos. i like to read books or novels set in the country i am visiting, and this one changed the way i look at Lao cuisine, causing me to appreciate Lao food even more, (if that's even possible). after reading her romanticizations of Lao food and her descriptions of the many outdoor markets, i went back to Lao cuisine with a new energy, eating my grocery list of favorite foods, hunting down new flavors, and actively smelling vegetables and leaves in markets that i have only casually looked at before. i asked the women at the stalls what different greens were used for, and i acquainted myself with vegetables that i've heard about for years, but never knew exactly what they were. but then i lost the book when i was about a week from coming home.

well, i returned home and ordered the book a second time from amazon, but i hadn't really got back into it. but i'm in a book club with friends from the UW, and i told them about my book, ant egg soup, (or as i like to call it, ant egg soup for the soul). well, robin suggested that we read it for this next month's club meeting, and so that has gotten me back into reading it - and it's taking me back to Laos in more ways than one.

and here is the warning, the consequences of indulging in this type of book (and maybe a parental advisory label needs to be considered): well... i went to sleep the other night and fell into a misty dream. i found myself flying across a bluish-black lake in Laos (and someone told me that once you reach adulthood, flying in dreams is very unusual..? so i probably flew in my dream just to prove her wrong.) the lake was long and deep, and it was filled with all kinds of fish, all unique to Laos. then i found myself in some sort of grotto where i was talking to someone - i can't remember who. but i was amazed at the many fish circling around me, and i felt excited at the prospect of eating fresh fish - kinds that i had never tasted. then (here comes the scary part) right in front of me, there arose a big clump of pad thai noodles, and it was alive. i never knew that pad thai noodles were actually a fish! but there they were, right in front of me, turning and wriggling towards me. then somehow the glop of noodles latched onto my chest, and one of the noodle strands, presumably the head of the creature, rose up and looked me in the face, wriggling around like a long finger. i woke up then. (but not scared or with my heart pumping or my head buzzing from the night-time adrenaline rush)

just a little hungry....

consider yourself warned.

the crow and the homeless woman

sarah and i went to green lake for a walk on friday. the weather was perfect for a walk- and i should preface this whole entry by saying, if you're not in seattle right now, then somebody needs to let you know about the great weather. yall all think that seattle is nothing but rain and cold, but you are wrong. no place on earth has summers the way seattle has summers. --seattle is summer.

from today's weather posting: Seattle, WA 81°

and with this little picture right after it:

but don't get me wrong. seattle aint Louisiana. (i don't like seattle as much as i like home.) and seattle aint Laos either. (the padek in Laos is a lot better than what you get in the stores here.) anyway, seattle was giving us good weather for walking, and the best place for walking is green lake, and so we began our little trek around the lake. well, we hadn't gone but maybe 3 minutes when we noticed this crow on the side of the path. i don't like crows, but this one was kinda interesting cause it had its head down inside a plastic grocery bag. i thought the crow was trying to get at some of the food in there, but on closer inspection - its head was stuck. crows are not dumb birds, (just noisy and dirty) and this one apparently had gotten a bag of garbage out of the garbage can (the kind with the push-open lid). well, in the process, the crow had gotten its head stuck in the handle of the plastic bag. i kinda laughed at the whole thing, (i mean, it looked kinda funny, and plus, i don't like crows) but when we got a little closer, the crow flew off over the lake with the bag still twisted around its head and then came back, landing close to the path; so, i guess i started to get a little more concerned about the crow at that point. well, maybe not just then; i think i laughed some more at the crow as it tried to fly off a another 2 or 3 times. it did look kinda funny - flying off over the lake with a QFC plastic bag of garbage hanging on its neck. looked like edgar allen poe's version of the stork or something. sarah and i had this moment of indecision - should we keep walking, or should we stop and help. (actually, i don't think i was planning on helping; i think i just wanted to laugh at the crow a little longer while it tried to get its head outa that bag handle.) but when you stop to watch something, a crowd will gather... and that's what happened. a couple of other people stopped - and an elderly man came up to us and said he'd been watching the crow from the front seat of his car for some time. well, we all know what happened to kitty genovese, and i thought about that, so at sarah's prompting, i stepped into action. (and for those who don't know about kitty:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kitty_Genovese ).

leaving sarah in the company of the elderly man, i joined forces with a woman in a purple jump suit, and we stalked the crow through the parking lot, across the street and into a small grassy area (where the infamous feral rabbits of woodland park can be found grazing right before they run out into the street and get squished by passing cars... for more info on this: http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/262159_rabbits08.html )

me and purple jumpsuit lady had minimal success. i removed my black fleece jacket and tried to throw it over the crow (at sarah's suggestion), but it didn't work; my jacket caught some wind and came falling back at my feet. by this time, the crow flew back across the street, spilling some of the garbage out of its bag. the crow tried to fly into a tree, but it was clearly tiring, so it made an emergency landing by the sidewalk where another man and his wife had joined our crow rescue team. this man was armed with woolly blanket and a pretty good sense of stealth. as i approached from the back, he came at the crow's front, and it gently succumed to the blackness of my fleece jacket. however, by this time we hadn't only collected a crowd of onlookers, but a large number of crows were over our heads squawking and making a racket, what crows do best.

we worked quickly to free the crow; the stealth man and jumpsuit woman held the crow as i pulled back the jacket - and sarah appeared outa nowhere with a big pair of scissors (the elderly man had them in his car; do people normally carry scissors around in their cars?) so i used them to cut through the plastic handle, (it was up under the crow's feathers, and it would've been hard to remove without scissors,) and crow flew off to join his friends.

i left the crowd after a group hug and rejoined sarah and the elderly man. i was feeling kinda good about the deed we'd done, and i even felt a little better about myself. (and although i don't like crows, i liked them a little more after saving one from grocery bag death).

well, on saturday, sarah was nice enough to let me borrow her car while mine was in the shop, and so she and i were together again... this time we came across a homeless woman. i had already had words with this woman an hour before; after coming across the street from the mechanic shop, i came face to face with her - and she looked me in the eyes and yelled, "YOU MURDERED HER!" i kinda laughed (what is up with me laughing at people in distress?) but her accusation was kinda out there, and well... i laughed... and half-mumbled something to her about her medications. she didn't seem aware that i'd said anything and pronounced (even more emphatically) "YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO KILL HER 5 TIMES!"

so when sarah showed up, i was already feeling kinda concerned about the whole thing. the woman stared at us on the sidewalk, hurled some accusations with a wave of her hand, and then sped off down the street and around the corner. i didn't know what to do. and even though i stood there and watched, a crowd wasn't gathering to motivate me to action. was she really homeless? was she where she shouldn't have been? is this is everyday for her, or she is in danger?

man... crows are easier: bag's on its head; get it off. a mentally ill homeless woman is a harder call... and supposedly i am the mental health clinician, but i was at a loss as to whether i should let it go, or call the police.

i let it go. and i even let it go when i saw her again at 9 pm that night, scurrying down my street towards the baseball field. i jogged in her direction for a bit, just to see where she was headed... but finally, i stopped, feeling a little heavy of heart.

i watched her for a moment longer as she walked further into the dark, then i turned around towards my apartment, and slid my cell phone back into my pocket.

only 14,400 kip a pill...

an article on meth use in Laos...

Laos battles new foe in war on drugs
By Chawadee Nualkhair Sat May 13, 9:11 PM ET

VIENTIANE (Reuters) - Poverty-stricken Laos has some way to go to catch up with its more developed neighbors, but it has still managed to import the same problems facing far richer countries.
Fresh from declaring victory in its "war on opium," Laos' communist rulers now face the threat of growing methamphetamine use among its youth.
The unceremoniously named "Treatment and Vocational Training of Drug Users Center," just south of the capital, Vientiane, is a case in point.
Here, at Laos's biggest drug rehabilitation center, 565 Lao have come from all over the country. Almost all are addicted to methamphetamines.
Malee, 15, looks like a typical teenager in red Mickey Mouse T-shirt and ponytail. But she has been arrested twice, both times for smoking speed she bought with money stolen from her parents.
"The minute I got any money, I would run out and spend it on drugs," she said, estimating she blew the equivalent of $100 a week on drugs in a country where three-quarters of people live on less than $2 a day.
"I tried everything I could, even heroin. My friends would bring me these drugs and all our worries would be gone. All I ever wanted to do was get out of the life I had."
Methamphetamines represent part of a growing trend in Laos, the next scourge to test the government's "drug-free" resolve at a time when it could easily slide back into more opium use, says the
United Nations.
"Prevention and control of trafficking and abuse of heroin and methamphetamines are some of the next challenges that face the government. Laos is at a critical juncture," said Leik Boonwaat of the U.N. Office on Drugs and Crime (UNODC).
"Without urgent appropriate assistance the successes already achieved could be easily reversed. Increased, trafficking of heroin and methamphetamine will lead to increased crime, corruption, violence, misery and poverty," he said.

OLD MAN'S DRUG
Unlike opium, which urban Lao see as an "old man's drug," methamphetamines -- which cost around $1.50 a tablet -- have found favor with youngsters who want to be alert, confident and slim.
First emerging in the mid-1990s, methamphetamines are also a harder drug to fight off than opium, which often leaves users listless after an initial rush of euphoria, said center director Ugaow Gaowarawong.
"Methamphetamines are much more scary," he said. "It messes with your head and it's hard to shake. Opium is mainly for minority groups and old people. It's not for the young people who want to go out."
Once the world's third biggest producer of heroin -- derived from the resin of opium poppies -- Laos declared itself free of poppy cultivation in February 2006.
It was able to accomplish this through a battery of measures including agreements with farmers who pledged to stop growing poppies or risk seeing their fields destroyed.
"It's a carrot-and-stick approach," said one aid official who asked not to be identified. "But we don't have enough carrot, we have a lot of stick."
The measures appear to be working -- and with little of the trauma that came with Thailand's "war on drugs," which resulted in the extrajudicial deaths of more than 2,500 people.
Now, 1,800 hectares of land are used to cultivate poppies, down from 6,600 hectares a year earlier and 26,800 hectares in 1998, according to the UNODC.
The average price of opium has risen 139 percent to $521 a kg from the same period a year ago, reflecting its scarcity, the UNODC said.
Former users have mostly resigned themselves to going elsewhere for relief.
"I used to use it when I had aches and pains," said Sio Diah, 70, sewing sequins on a piece of embroidery at a Hmong village north of Vientiane. "I don't use it anymore, of course. I go to the drug store instead."

NEW SUCCESS STORY?
Still, the lack of a sustainable livelihood for farmers could induce as many as half of the former opium producers to return to planting poppies, the UNODC's Leik said.
Methamphetamine use could also grow as traffickers move beyond youngsters to other sections of the population in both urban and rural areas, he said.
However, drug rehabilitation officials are optimistic the success in tackling opium will be duplicated against methamphetamines, pointing out that the country's poverty may actually end up saving it.
"In the past two years, we had 700-800 people here, most addicted to methamphetamines," said center director Ugaow. "Now we have around 500 so far this year, much less. It's expensive and hard to find. That is helpful."

4:00 am in the morning.

i am back in seattle, survived the airplane ride; the layover in korea was very difficult however.

i woke up at 4:00 am in the morning. but my schedule is messed up right now, so i guess that can be expected. i came into work early - seemed like the best answer. so i am here. thanks to everyone for your emails and comments! the trip was a lot of fun, and i've had a lot of fun with the blog.

and thanks to jane for the link to this blog:

http://ryanchicovsky.blogspot.com/

ryan has been missing in Laos for some time now. i am praying for the best for him and his family.